No, this isn’t satire, really it isn’t. In the post-global warming world, we’ll all have to remember which hand is for eating and which hand is for, well, something else, if the warming Nazis have their way:
“No forest of any kind should be used to make toilet paper,” Dr. Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist and waste expert with the Natural Resource Defence Council told the New York Times.
“This is a product that we use for less than three seconds and the ecological consequences of manufacturing it from trees is enormous,” Hershkowitz told the Guardian newspaper.
“Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age,” Hershkowitz said.
“Making toilet paper from virgin wood is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.”
You really, really can’t make this stuff up. So, here’s a step by step guide for using “reusable” toilet wipes (source):
- Step 1. “Shake, scrape, swish, or squirt off anything you don’t want in your laundry, and then toss the wipe into the pail or container.” [Sounds delightful - Ed]
- Step 2: Store the used wipes in a wet bag or a diaper pail. “Some families find it easiest to put a small wet bag in their bathroom – either just laying on the floor near the toilet, or hanging from a nearby doorknob, cabinet knob, or hook.” [Sounds even more delightful - Ed]
- Step 3: Wash with the diapers if you have a baby in the house. Otherwise, for neophytes in laundering poop-stained cloth, an important tip: Wash them separately from other laundry.
Never would’a guessed that one…
- [continued] “Wash in hot, dry in the dryer. You may add whatever laundry additives you desire – chlorine bleach, oxygen bleach, tea tree oil, lavender oil, stain remover, whatever.”
Gee, that’ll really catch on.
Read it here.