Sunday Silliness: 'Euthanise your old pet' to save the planet

Ms Tremayne

People send me links to stuff. This one came in a few days ago, and with it came a message to STOP HAVING BABIES (in capitals). The link points to a highly credible-looking site purportedly selling carbon credits, but it’s clearly an elaborate hoax as the carbon credits are apparently on “backorder” – LOL!

The purpose of the site, I eventually established, is to advertise a (genuine) book, “Biodiesel – A Novel”, which is available on Amazon, and judging by the comments may actually be a good read. An extract is available here.

The worrying thing about this whole yarn was the length of time it took me to work out it was a hoax. We have read stuff like this from genuine extreme-green advocates, so I wasn’t entirely sure whether it was genuine or not.

Here are a few extracts from an article by “Daphne Tremayne” entitled The little things we can do to reduce our carbon footprint (and think to yourselves how many times you may have read similar exhortations from the environmental headbangers):

Like me, you’ve probably realized that everyday living is a catastrophe for the environment!  In many ways, our modern lifestyle has done so much to contribute to ecological degradation and Global Warming.  But have you ever really considered what you can do to change things?  Here are just a few little things you can do to reduce your Carbon Footprint!

  • Stop Having Children

      I know!  I know!  Children are as cute as all get-out, but have you ever really considered how much carbon one child puts into the atmosphere?  Over a single lifetime, the amount is practically immeasurable.  One of the best all-around things for the environment would be fewer people in the world…

  • If You Must Have Children, Buy Baby Credits

     Baby Credits are similar to regular Carbon Credits, however, instead of being backed by non-productive parcels of land, Baby Credits are backed by non-productive women of child-bearing age…

  • Slow Down Your Breathing

      It sounds silly, but breathing is actually a major source of atmospheric carbon.  One of the ways you can reduce your Carbon Footprint is to breathe less.  That’s right, breathe less!  You’re probably asking yourself how that’s possible, but believe it or not, yoga is a great way to slow down the metabolism and reduce the need for excessive breathing.  If you’re not already into yoga, consider taking classes at your local studio.  Soon, you’ll be breathing less, and as an added bonus, feel much less stressed out!

  • Reduce Your Use of Paper Products

     Consider switching to a reusable toilet sponge.  Store your toilet sponge in a mild vinegar and water solution in a receptacle next to the commode and use it the same way you would toilet paper.   Instead of discarding your sponge, rinse it after each use before placing it back in the vinegar and water solution…

  • Euthanize Your Old Pet

     Pets have become a common feature in most homes and are an attribute of the modern, Western lifestyle.  We all love our dogs and cats, but really, when you think about it, pets are a major producer of excess carbon.  One of the best ways to reasonably enjoy your pet and reduce your overall Carbon Footprint is to determine in advance how long your pet should live.  As a family, set a date when your pet will be euthanized.  One great way to teach children the value of pet euthanasia is to turn the occasion into a family celebration.  Let’s say you’ve set March 10, five years from now, as your pet’s euthanasia date.   For the next five years, celebrate March 10 as your pet’s special day, with a family party and perhaps a visit to your pet’s future burial spot.  Teach your children to think of the occasion as a birthday in reverse.  A predetermined euthanasia date will encourage your family to love and care for your furry friend while it’s still young and playful.  What’s more, pre-planing for pet termination not only works towards reducing your family’s Carbon Footprint, but guarantees long term reduction in veterinary expenses. 

There’s plenty more at the link.

 

Comments

  1. johnbuk says:

    Shame! It’s not often one can have the opportunity to sit down and watch evolution in action over such a short timescale.
    See the gullible hand over their worldly possessions – stop breathing, stop having babies etc. The logical next part of Ms Tremayne’s strategy would be to offer carbon-free euthanasia and the problem would be solved.

    [REPLY – Note this is satire – read the post in full for an explanation]

  2. Dr A Burns says:

    The average dog has a carbon footprint as big as a landrover. I can’t understand why Gillard hasn’t put a tax on pets … and as for all that heavy breathing CO2 during sex …

  3. Graham Richards says:

    I could name many people that I would happily Euthanize in preference to my pet Jack Russel.
    In fact my dog appears to have more humanity & intelligence than all of the unnamed folk I would “put down ” .

  4. I read it all – go to the site – it’s quite funny (satire)

  5. George H. Monahan says:

    I might just be wrong about this, but I think Daphne Tremayne is a character in the book Biodiesel: A Novel. Go here: http://www.amazon.com/Biodiesel-Novel-George-H-Monahan/dp/0985462604/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335258271&sr=8-1

    [REPLY – Thanks for dropping by – yes, I made sure I put that in the post so people would realise it was a clever advert for your book. Congratulations!]

  6. George H. Monahan says:

    I wish you good people would read my book and then we could all laugh about it together. I use comedic satire to dispel the global warming myth and generally poke fun at the environmentalist extremists. Getting something like Biodiesel: A Novel published is next to impossible given the politically correct bias of the entertainment industry. Perhaps, if we use weapons-grade satire on them, we can defeat the Eco-Fascists. Let’s mock them! Read my book!

    [REPLY – thanks again. I will read your book.]

    • Old Sailor Man says:

      Mate, satire of any grade is completely, utterly lost on these cretins. I sent the link to some greenie rellies, and already have a reply from one of the idiots expressing joy and gaias blessings at my conversion.

      • I thought everyone would see through the absurdity of the GreenTremayne web page right away. Getting snookered out of outrage is understandable because the web page looks real. The fact that people expressed approval is pretty damn sad. Say your prayers!

  7. I got terrible feedback on my idea to soften the blow from the failing wind (subsidy) farming industry. They had all sort of technical arguments why it wouldn’t work.
    http://obviousinvention.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/redeployment-of-wind-powered-generators/

    • Laurie Williams says:

      Since they’re referred to as “wind generators”, they should be able to generate wind when not enough is present to make them work, thereby making themselves work again.

      Now that’s clever, and practical, as I’m sure you will agree.

      My natural modesty prohibits me telling you how clever I really am.

  8. agwnonsense says:

    I have several PET(past expiry time) politicians do they count?

  9. Craig Goodrich says:

    The excerpt on Carbon Credits alone is enough to sell the book:
    http://greentremayne.com/How_Carbon_Credits_Work.html

    Don’t miss it.

  10. Ash Casey via Facebook says:

    but I thought the Gillard Labor/Greens government had told us to cuddle a dog for warmth?

  11. Don McGrath says:

    Baby credits? Slow down your breathing? Euthanize your pet? Obviously this whole piece is a joke.

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