Election 2013: Rudd promises to put Aussie on Moon

Bushwacker Bruce

Bushwacker Bruce said “Geez, I’m on the f*cking moon”

[Satire alert] Kevin Rudd has pledged that if re-elected on 7 September, he will commit Australia to land a fair dinkum Aussie on the Moon.

Speaking at a campaign function, where he had just announced a bunch of random, back-of-the-envelope, thought-bubble, far-fetched and completely un-costed policies so far into the future that nobody will remember, Rudd said that he asked the electorate to return a Labor government so that it could put Australia at the forefront of the space race.

“Australia has a proud history of space exploration [no it doesn’t – Ed] and I cannot think up a more brazenly populist and vote-grabbing policy than promising to put an Aussie on the Moon at some point far in the future, when both I, and this ridiculous promise, will have been long forgotten. The East Coast rail link was pretty much out there, with a budget of $115 billion and a completion date at least fifty years away, but the ABC and Fairfax really thought I was serious. So let’s see how many of them fall for this one, with a budget of $1 trillion and a target date of 2100.”

Mr Rudd said he had considered offering free time travel for all senior citizens, but thought that even the ABC wouldn’t be dumb enough to run that story [want a bet?].

[Enough – Ed.]


  1. High Treason says:

    Given the cost overruns, there will only enough funds for a one way ticket. As Kevvy-baby thinks he is a survivor of the Kokoda track, he can be the one to go up and never come back.He can be a sort of Harold Holt eaten by Martians rather than sharks.

  2. We should all be very careful what we wish for.
    Who can believe anything any of them say.
    Like a child who has learnt how to respond to a parent, they only tell us what they know we want to hear.
    After the election, the smoke and mirrors will leave us all with tears in our eyes and bleeding from the cuts.
    Those who survive the 2013 election campaign will envy those who perished in it.

    In the meantime, all we can do is make sure the beer’s cold.




  3. thingadonta says:

    (Satire alert): Breaking news, Rudd switches sides to become a member of the liberal party after he realises that pretty much all his labour fantasy policies don’t work, and that he now agrees with the liberals on just about everything. “You were right, and I was wrong” he said. “Sorry for all the wasted time and money”…. “The Greens are lost in fantasyland, and their policies are for another planet altogether, and probably wouldn’t work there either”.

    After the press briefing a group of pigs were seen flying backwards over Parliament House.

  4. He’s Lost In Space! There’s no chance he’ll get anywhere near the moon. And, if Australian climate scientists and the CSIRO are representative of Progressive Australian Science, it is highly unlikely, nay improbable. The Collective will stall at the modeling stage.

  5. Ben Lomond says:

    “Australia has a proud history of space exploration [no it doesn’t – Ed] . . .”

    Yes it does — haven’t you seen The Dish?

    • Yes, of course! Great film!

    • noisemarine says:

      Don’t forget WRESAT. Australia was the 4th country to launch a satellite into orbit from it’s own soil.

      There’s thousands of space enthusiasts that would love ANY Aussie politician to put space on the policy list. Sadly, the satire in this article is right on the money.

      • Ben Lomond says:

        Nothing sad about it at all. And, unfortunately, I have to say my tongue was in my cheek with The Dish reference.

  6. His failure speech was like a victory speech , many said.
    Why not , he is sooo happy to be leaving the BS that surrounds Canberra. anyone that is sane should be. I only hope that Tony abolishes all climate change departments and gives the money to AUSTRALIANS


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